Spirituality....???? can things get better ?????

Spirituality is undoubtedly the shibboleth of all religions.They are like trees,when i say trees, i mean trees of the same kind,which have the same attributes but grow out to be very different from each other in terms of the fruits they bear or look they don.However,I am not here to discuss universal brotherhood or concept of one religion.What interests me more is one of the philosophies of the hindu religion, the KARMIC philosophy,which goes hand in hand with the concept of spirituality.I may not have understood these two terms well enough as they are indeed very profound as well as ambiguous for the layman a.k.a me.
The whole idea behind the karmic philosophy is misinterpreted by many to be analogous to "as you sow,so shall you reap".Well,it is not so!. The whole concept of karma lies behind the principle of doing every work as a duty without having any concern for its fruit or result.That simply implies that you have to perform all tasks in your life as a duty not as a means or source of some happiness or pleasure for us.Ironic!! this theory seems to contradict all the age old maxims which ask us to work hard for acheiving success.The paradox is crystal clear isnt it? If I were to follow karmic philosophy then i have to work, perform every task as a duty without any expectations, I would acheive what they call salvation.Now the question that arises in my mind is that if i were to work without having any expectations,to attain salvation wouldnt i be basically performing every task as a duty without caring for their fruit to attain the ultimate fruit of salvation,or put more bluntly,desire of salvation???
The whole idea behind saying that one should be hardworking to acheive success,he should be sincere etc..is to motivate us to work towards acheiving a goal,which will be the fruit of our labour.But if i call that attatchment to the materialistic world or succcinctly put, a desire,what do i call attatchment towards the goal acheiving salvation..?Anyways the ambivalence started driving me crazy and so i digressed conveniently to an easier task of questioning the very concepts of salvation and spirituality..
I often come across people talkin off judgement day,karma and how our soul would be punished on the day of doom or how we would face difficulties based on our actions in the next birth (as you go deeper into the karmic philosophy,you learn that the results of your actions are carried on by your subconscious mind or soul in the next birth and you pay for them in that life).i dont mean to question the rationale or the ability of the people and saints who came up with these concepts,but, while i can slightly comprehend the phenomenon called God,I fail to understand my soul.I mean,why should care for my soul's suffering?I have never felt it.I have felt myself suffer,thats all that i have felt and that is what I consider the truth.Whats the point in doing things for a phenomenon we cannot even feel,let alone see or associate with!
Suffering is bound to be there,so is happiness that is life ,law of nature,nature's not always just ! for example animals and trees pay the price for man's deeds..funny,they pay a price greater than man!!
I would rather work to be happy,judge a deed as good or bad on a principle of what makes me happy,me,this physical materialistic body which i feel and not for some phenomenon my mind makes or someone elses.
while i dont intend to give this article a patronising tone,maybe it has that.I apologise in advance for that..and for the few who rad this post i would like aan elaborate opinion for i am expecting a battery of ,well,contradictions..
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RETROSPECTION

My heart's going heavy,
life's becoming a burden....
I know that,which haunts me,
why my spirits are broken...
I shiver in shame,
under the cold feeling of repentance..
i bear the fruits of contrite,
makin a mole of a death sentence....
I stand yet accused,
arraigned and facing interogation...
Judged by a harsh jury,
composed of an elve's delegation...
A guilt ,a truth, an apparition,
not seen i n my eyes,lies in my hearts oblivion...
I had run long from it,
hoping to leave it behind....
No mattter how hard i tried ,
it always dwelled in my mind...
Oh! what's come of this life,
nothin but a bundle of lies..
Lies spoken to the world,
lies to bilk those eyes...
The lies that shall haunt me,
burn my soul till it's demise..
blessed with the bane of cowardice,
i look at myself and the mirror too..
Life seems to be missing,
my conscience and its spirit too..

love

During those moments when life's going down.
our eyes are raised and we look around..
to spend a day with the fairy of our passions and dreams..
a day when we don see n think but live those dreams
and that is why we look for love in shadows of life
when all there is, is a tear in our eye..
but the secret of love is something else,elsewhere it lies
it doesnt matter what and how much you get,less or more have no regrets..
for in the end loves only a debt
a debt we got to pay and pay..
with a never ending interest coming our way..
For in it there is no end to how much you can give
and that is why love they say is needed to survive
else our life would just go on..
like a routine an everyday norm
awaken this love,this feeling so true..
spread it in your heart and someone elses too...
time shall show and make you understand ..
loves not simple,not a one night stand
a feeling of giving ,giving all you can
for if you ever say no compromise..
in love my friend you shall pay a dear price.
of having lost your love for upholding your pride..
you shall be lost again with nowhhere to go..
and will go down as a life deplete with hope..

MY LOVE FOR YOU

I shall be there for you, for ever and ever to come..
Lead you out of darkness towards the sun..
To a life of bliss, free from care..
We shall spread it all around with a lot to spare..
Ah..the beauty and love..it shall be a time divine..
A time of happiness, when thou art mine..
My heart's been troubled and has been scared..
But now i know for you only,it had always prayed..
I know now, even if our senses quiver and souls shiver..
We shall hold our hands and keep goin together..
O my love..what the wall of thorns to cross ?
If the mere touch of thy lay across..
Aboard the ship of hardships, we shall sail through fire,
Overcome all,place obstacles of our path on their pyre..
O my love there's a promise i make..
My love for you shall remain..come what may...

a poem for my slamm book

"the road extends till the horizon,
every detour's a cul-de-sac, every step a new burden
seasons shall change and so shall my liasons
they shall each build in my heart their own bastions
...
a very few shall be sordid, many winsome
each shall make me a better person,prove wholesome
i shall be moulded by them all through my life
made humble in joy and unfathomable in strife
.....
but the journey shall have an end, a climax
i shall be fatigued,wasted and shell relax
i shall be in retrospect and at my past i shall take a look
with the mind as a wizard the crystal ball shall be my "slam note book"
..."

love , and why i shall never be out of it

Love, it is said is a very divine feeling and in the very short span of life that i have lived i have tried to explore this divinity and comprehend it's attributes. The process took a lot out of me, emotionally, and left me at a point where i was compelled to believe that, there existed no other entity in this world that could be juxtaposed with love and declared analogous to it. I attempt here to describe what i felt over a span of nine years, from when i was 13 years old till today when i am almost 22.
I started on my journey with no such objectives in mind, rather, these objectives were the culmination of the various deliberations I had, a few days back, in retrospect of my whole journey. I had stepped out on its path believing that it would be give me immense happiness, contentment, pleasure and nonetheless, fulfill all my moral and amorous desires without any conditions, without any changes needed, without any price being paid. The sham that I had nurtured in my heart regarding love was soon to be shattered. As time passed, I started feeling an addiction I had not known, for my love, that was soon to be followed by a sense of possession augmented with “self” as the only pivot on which all decisions were made. Blinding was the addiction and it caused an agony, great enough to hurt and shake the very foundations of my love. Then came a day when there was an uprising, a burst of emotion, from my love which showed me how I had digressed on to the path of vanity and greed.
The realization had struck and the outburst had fulfilled its cause, but the bond had not yet broken, for ego had been tamed. The catharasis of the relationship took me on a path where I had learned to compromise and adjust, for the sake of “having” my love. Here I use the word having, not desiring or possessing. The actuator now was not some form of an avarice rather the efforts needed to keep the relationship going, so that I could have my love. Time was flying smoothly and the bond was going stronger, with every day that passed, every fight we had and every compromise we made for each other. Two souls and two bodies were now truly becoming one thought and one “mind”. There was fragrance in the air as flowers blossomed in our lives.
Life, it is said, has its own incomprehensible ways with us. Tragedy struck and we were thrown asunder. My love was thrown in the fires of hell while I was kept safe, far away from the agony it suffered. It had not spared me, as I was rendered helpless and made to watch my love suffer. I had paid the lesser “price”!!! A maxi m says that we often appreciate the value of an entity only after we have lost it, in my case I believe that did not happen. I had always known its value. I had treasured it and fathered it like a child of mine, and yet I had been deprived of it, or as I had thought, then…
It was then that I had sought an answer to what love was and why I felt pain. Why I felt abject at the very thought of someone else’s afflictions. The most important question that lingered on my mind however was,”Why do I still want to be there for a person, for a relationship, from which I shall receive nothing from now on?”. “Why suddenly do I want to be altruistic towards that one person I loved?”. Put simply I questioned, why I decided to still be there, even when I would not receive any but would only give and in return suffer a pain that would slowly and surely take its toll on me. Why did I want to feel that pain, why, why, why???
The answer did come to me and with it came enlightenment. I realized why they say “we fall in love”, and why it is divine. The answer was simple… It was a relationship I had “made” which derived contentment from her happiness. I realized that, my love was not something that I wanted, desired or cherished, rather it was something I wanted to part with, and not with everyone but only with that special person I called my “LOVE” . I stand today not desolate or dejected at my loss but contented, with the resolve of being there for her, even though she would not be able to do the same, to ensure that she smiled, even though I would never be able to see it, to make her feel heaven, even though it would plunge me in hell. I now know, why my parents love me and take care of me, why my mother always fulfills my needs, even if they ask a lot out of her, why my father looks after me, even though half of the times I disagree with him. They love me more because I was the result of the bond they made on their own, their “love”…..and I would do all that for her because it was a bond that I made with her…..