Shadows of my soul descried... part 1

They had been very good friends for the last 3 years now and were only getting closer with every passing moment. Spending hours talking to each other on the phone was now a daily activity for them, a part of their routine. Ah! Those were the days of their sweet 16. Life seemed beautiful, almost perfect while they were making conversation. There was a certain innocence to it, the innocence of two 13 year olds who started on the path of being each other’s trusted companion, friend. It was the 5th of September 2002, almost 4 years since they had been friends, when he told her that her smile brought him peace like nothing else in this world and that he wanted to be with her, to make her smile, have his peace for eternity. “What?” was the reply that came and she kept the phone down telling him she needed some time. He was taken aback at what had happened and also agitated about it. She had been his friend, she had been the one who had changed him, taught him how to make friends, made him give up his hooligan ways, toned down his temper; she had made him a better man. He could feel the rush of emotions in his veins causing his hands to shiver. He waited for her call, with a plethora of thoughts at the back of his mind and emotions in his heart. After an hour she called.

 

“I am sorry for this. This should not have happened. I am really sorry. It won’t work out, our families, it will be very difficult. Please understand we belong to different religions and people from your side of the family have a lot of contempt and hatred towards people from my religion.” He told her that was secondary and could be taken care of and that all he wanted to know was if she loved him too, and would she be with him for his life. “Do you think your family will accept me? Do you think we will be able to make it? I want to be with you, but will it be possible? Please give it a lot of thought and let me know.” The conversation ended on that note, and he was left to think about all the questions she asked and ponder over them, he did not. He was blinded by his desire to be with her for his life and thought he would conquer all. He let his judgment be clouded by his greed for her and did not consider the impediments that would lie on their way. The time was the time to decide, because from there on their relationship would only grow deeper. It would no longer be friendship, it would turn into love and turning back from that would be harder. He brushed all these thoughts aside and convinced her that everything would be fine and they would make it together. There he made his first mistake, which would later on come back to haunt him. She had been an emotionally weak person and he set in motion a sequence of events that would culminate into a major emotional blow to her. He did not consider that. All that was in his mind was the aim to be with her for his life.

 

Times soon became rough for them and they were not able to talk to each other frequently and pretty soon came the time where he had to move to a different place for his studies. When he did, life became hell. They hardly could speak to each other, once or twice in 4-5 months. She was under a lot of stress as the matrimonial process had been initiated for her at the mere age of 17. He knew she needed him, but could not reach out to her as her freedom was restricted at her home. He spoke to his father about them, who was willing to help them out and soon became the best friend of their relationship. They met 3 times in the last 4 years of their relationship and spoke on maybe 19 20 occasions. Their love for each other had grown beyond limits, grown free from the pain of separation/long distance relationship. Maybe that I what meant to be “Soul mates”. It did not matter to him now, whether they would be with each other or not. What mattered to him was to see a smile on her face, that very smile which reflected in her eyes, which brought him peace. Then one day she called and told him that she was going to get married and wanted to meet him asap. He took the help of his friends to plan a school reunion, for making available to her a reason to move out of her house and thereby meet him. It was the last time they would meet. She asked him not to involve his father and that she would go ahead with it. She knew that her entering his life as his wife would cause a lot many of his relations to disown him, and she did not want that for him. She entered hell, leaving him behind. She paid the greater price as she did not get the one thing he got. Time to heal.

 

He looked back at the time when he had to make a choice, where he was given the same situation and he had decided something else. He held her face that day in his hands while she was crying, wiping them off her. This was the same girl whose smile could tranquilise him and today she was crying in his hands. His heart was sinking under the tears of his own eyes, as he did not let them out. He had to be strong for her. He decided that day to be there for her, even if their relationship would have a change of name to friendship. He decide to be her anchor, see that she stabilizes and finds some form of happiness in her married life. Fate can be cold, stone hearted and cruel to some unfortunate souls. Happiness eluded her, as she was now tied to someone who did not care much for her and thought of her as an object of pleasure for him and comfort for his family. She would rarely talk to him, telling him about the injustices being meted out to her and he would patiently listen and try to soothe her. He would advise her to keep her cool and work on it as it was a new relationship and it would take time. She would hear him and promise to act on it. They never crossed the line of friendship since the day she tied the knot, not even in their words. Then one day she told him that she was pregnant. He was taken aback. She was just 20. Things got tougher for her as the environment at her home was not conducive for her and she had complications in her pregnancy which used to constantly cause her lot of physical pain. He stood by her through all her turmoil, hoping that the new light in her life would usher in happiness and he would find his peace. The light came and it was a beautiful boy. He was happy for her and now hoped to see her smile soon. Smile she did a little, the first time she spoke to him, months after her delivery. While they spoke, he heard her baby cry and something within him snapped. His internal world came crashing around those cries. That day he parted ways from her. That day the structure of his strength gave up under fatigue. 5 years had passed since the day he had confessed his love to her, 9 since the day they became friends. He now needed support, having provided that to her for so long…

 

He started to look for that support, hoping it would bring him some joy and there entered a ray of hope in his life. Little did he know then that what was to come would only add to his agony, would put him on the path of his second blunder…. To be contd…

 

My second attempt at writing a short story.This story will have two parts pertaining to the two incidents/people/emotions that haunt him and the second story will end with what he seeks for his redemption.